How many times did you argue with your dearly beloved over how and/or where to spend your vacation? The time is too little and too precious to do just any old thing. One option is to go on separate vacations.
This might seem like an odd time for this topic, as none of us can really travel at the moment. But actually, that’s what makes it the perfect time. Because now, you have loads of time to think and talk about it and book your next vacation accordingly.
Here’s an example: He wants to go on a two-week hiking/camping trip, which sounds more like a proper nightmare to you. No, the only good way you can see spending that time would be to relax pool-side at an all-inclusive resort with the option of all the spa treatments a woman can dream of. No unnecessary walking anywhere, only pampering for a whole fortnight. Bliss. Well, for you it would be. Just thinking about this scenario bores him out of his wits.
How about going on separate vacations?
No, not for you? Why not, if I may ask?
Maybe you hardly see each other because one or both of you are traveling a lot for your jobs. Or maybe one works nights a lot, and the other has to get up early. Good points, of course. And yet, the numero uno priority usually is that one enjoys a vacation. ‘Cause, why would you even bother otherwise?
Or, do you believe that going on separate vacations is a sure sign of a relationship going south? Of course, it might be. But in that case, you have a lot more to work out with one another, and your destination is probably one of your smallest issues.
I get that it’s not for everyone. But humor me please and keep an open mind.
Actually, it can be very beneficial.
Benefit # 1 – Spend your vacation in a way each one can actually enjoy.
What if you are on such different pages on this matter that at least one of you would have to make a real sacrifice or compromise if that sounds better?
How would anyone benefit from hiking and camping who hates the concept of it and doesn’t see the point in walking any further than absolutely necessary?
Or, let’s say you crave a nice extended time outdoors, being one with nature. But the forecast for your vacation together looks something like this: Two weeks trapped in a concrete bunker full of gluttons lazing around eating and drinking too much and not moving a muscle if they don’t have to. OK, a slight exaggeration. But you get my drift.
I could go on and on. Like one wants a cultural experience, the other gets a rash only thinking of museums and would much rather swing a golf club all day long. Or a cruise ship vs. a log cabin… you get the picture.
Sounds horrible from either perspective, right?
Here are some possible compromises:
You could go on a city break one visiting the museums the other frequenting the sports bars watching The Masters or whichever golf tournament happens to be on at the moment. Constantly wishing he/she could be out there him/herself.
You could rent a houseboat, and like that spend your time on the water but away from the crowds.
You could book a room in one of the said concrete bunkers where she (or he, I don’t mean to be prejudiced) can stay and enjoy doing nothing, while he (or she…) will go hiking in the area close by. In the evening, the hiker is too tired to do anything whereas the one who stayed back is all rested and ready to roam the nearby clubs.
Do they really serve anyone?
These are OK solutions, I suppose. But will the wish for the hiking/camping trip, the cruise, the resort, the golf marathon be gone? I highly doubt it.
So, why not go on separate vacations and everyone gets the vacation she/he can fully enjoy?
And afterward, you will both be grateful that you are in an understanding relationship that actually made this possible.
This is actually the next benefit.
Benefit # 2 – Growing closer by extending the leash.
By being generous in that way and not objecting to separate vacations, you can actually grow a good bit closer. Imagine how exciting it will be to come home and talk about your different experiences.
A relationship benefits from creating separate experiences as well as mutual ones. After a while of being together, we tend to get used to each other which can be a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. Making individual experiences can spice things up a bit. It makes the other side a tad more mysterious again.
When do you think you will be thinking of your other (note, I didn’t say better) half more fondly?
- While you’re apart, each of you doing what they love or,
- As you sit across the table from each other in a place where at least one of you absolutely doesn’t want to be.
Exactly.
Benefit # 3 – Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Maybe you are, like my husband and I, working for the same company. We are only sitting two desks apart from each other. Most of the time we commute together and I’m sure you guessed it, we live together.
That is a LOT of time spent together.
That is one of the reasons we also spend a lot of time apart during our time off.
And just to make it very clear: I’m not saying that I am getting tired of him, at all!
However, in a scenario like ours, a few days, a week or two apart can work wonders. For example, he was in Spain for roughly a week with the guys of his golf crowd. And a few weeks later I was in Tenerife for a week to work on my project without too much distraction, while enjoying the sun, the food, and of course the delicious wine they have here.
Side note: I had no clue Tenerife produced wine at all, let alone some that delicious. 😉
It works perfectly for us.
Benefit # 4 – Some things we just need to do alone
The first time I did the Camino de Santiago (or part thereof), it was crystal clear (after a while of introspection) that I was going to walk it on my own. Not that my husband tried to change my mind because he wanted to come along. And I am glad he didn’t. It was just SO important to me to walk it solo.
OK, I am kindly asking you to resist the temptation to correct me in that walking the Camino de Santiago is not a vacation. It may not be a vacation in the usual sense. But it is definitely time you need to take off work. Unless, of course, you are one of the lucky ones who can just get up and go whenever for however long they want.
Or, like my time spent here in Tenerife working on my project. I specifically looked for a place that doesn’t have too much going on, to limit distractions.
What would be the point of going on this trip together? I could choose between feeling guilty towards him because I wouldn’t go exploring a lot or towards myself and my project because I wouldn’t get things done. Pointless!
Constant compromise vs. a bit of healthy individuality
Of course, being in a relationship means that we have to compromise on some things in order to make it work.
But that’s not what this post is about. I am convinced that at the same time we need to be able to be individuals to make it work. This doesn’t have to mean you will go on no more vacations together. Unless, of course, that’s your new thing.
Maybe it will be sufficient for the next two, three, five years to go on separate vacations once. Or experiencing the benefits might even make it an easier, more obvious choice next time around. Who knows?
And, if you can’t see yourselves spending two entire weeks apart (yet), why not start small with a five-day weekend?
How about you, what’s your take on this?
Have you thought about going on separate vacations? If not, what’s holding you back? Is your fear of traveling solo what’s holding you back? Read my post Traveling solo vs. not at all for some ideas.
Or maybe you’ve been on separate vacations? I’d love to read about it. So please share your experiences in the comments. Maybe you will inspire someone.
Have a fantastic day!
Renate xx